Thursday, 22 September 2011

Intimacy Between Spouse

 Man’s basic need is to be needed; to be loved; to be accepted. But definitely he doesn't want to be "used".

Everyone wants Intimacy, because otherwise you are alone in the world, without anyone you can trust, without anyone to whom you can open your wounds.

The most intimate relationship can only be shared between husband and wife. All other relationships can be "Intense" but not as "Intimate" as this relationship.
Unless you drop the repressions, and inhibitions of your culture, society, religion, parents etc, you cannot be intimate. If you have lived a simple, natural life you will have no fear of intimacy.

If you are ready to be intimate, you will encourage the other person also to be intimate. You can enjoy Trust, Love, and Openness.  

Intimacy means that the doors of the heart are open  and welcome. The heart should not be full of repressions and boiling with perversions. It should be free, natural, and innocent like a child’s.

Don’t waste the few days you are here in hypocrisy, fear etc. Rejoice now --- because the only thing in your hand is your life and make it as joyous as possible. 

You have to free your mind of everything and accept the role of a spouse and work your way to "Intimacy" with each other.

Communication is very important and it is not just the use of words. The process of communication for having an intimate relationship with your spouse is through the heart, emotions, body language and physical relationship. Even simple acts of hugging, embracing and kissing is communication.

Many of are afraid of intimacy; consciously or unconsciously. We have the fear that intimacy will lead to exposing oneself before a stranger and you don’t what the stranger will do to you.

We are all hiding behind different masks – inhibitions, repressions, taboos. It feels safe to keep a little distance because someone may take advantage of your weakness, your vulnerability.

You have to drop all your differences – only then intimacy is possible.  

When you have chosen a person to be your spouse, you must have seen something good in that person. Make those good attributes stronger. Do not hide things from each other. 
Do not use this lovely vehicle for your own fulfillment. 

Remember that rigidity kills relationships. 
Use your wisdom to avoid situations, other relationships which are causing problems. Some times the parents or siblings or even some friends unknowingly and inadvertently cause problems. Be judicious in dealing with them.

Mansi's case is very common.
Mansi is well educated and fond of reading.
In her early days she got affected by "Chastity".
Inspite of her education she misinterpreted the meaning.

Chastity refers to the sexual behavior of a man or woman acceptable to the moral standards and guidelines of a culture, civilization, or religion.  (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia).

Chastity (Noun)- abstaining from sexual relations (as because of religious vows)

Mansi perceived marriage as "Mills and Boon" romance.
She  just could not rectify the deeply embedded perceptions she had interpreted in her sub conscious mind before marriage days.
Her perceptions led to actions which gave feeling of "Rejection" to Ashwin, her husband.
One thing led to another. Actions had reactions.
For Ashwin, the basic pleasures of marriage was denied.
For Mansi, the marriage did not turn out to be a "Mills and Boon" romance.
They somehow managed being married for 33 years, however their growth and progress was hampered. Most of their married life was filled with unhappiness and now they are heading towards separation.

A man in a relationship trades intimacy to get sex. A woman in a relationship trades sex to get intimacy.
Old Proverb

There were many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts being broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream-whatever that dream might be.
Pearl Buck


  1. Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed,
    half the problems of bed are solved.
    Peter Ustinov

  2. Denying sex or not understanding the sexual needs of a person is an emotional abuse.

  3. Lack of sex is the number one complaint we hear about married sex. Pornography, masturbation, infidelity, and sexual fantasies are other common sexual problems in marriages. Separating facts from myths when it comes to these issues is the first step in solving these sexual problems. The second step is talking with one another about these issues.

  4. Sex can keep your marriage strong and lack of sex can destroy your marriage. When there are sexual problems in your marriage, there is quite possible that the two of you will separate within 12 months. Two ways to keep your sex life active is to make time for one another and to talk with each other.