Thursday, 22 September 2011

Life is Simple; Don't Make It Complicated

Human beings have three role to play in their life and these are real simple roles.
  1. Role of a child. 
  2. Role of a Spouse
  3. Role of Parents
Most of us play the three roles but some do not choose the second role and thus deny themselves the pleasure of becoming biological parents which is essential to recycle this world. Just imagine if one complete generation decide to opt out of the second role, soon the earth will have no children and the entire species will vanish.

 I will discuss only the second role here.

This role is the most significant because here is where your personality, your wisdom will have to be used. When faced with challenges, this is the easiest role to give up.
This role also acquires  significance because it has direct impact on the other two roles.
Husband and wife relationship becomes enjoyable as long as they are selflessly fulfilling each other instead of fulfilling themselves.

 The cases of dissatisfied marriages and divorce have increased to gigantic levels. In States, children have made divorce as a game and enact what they see their parents doing.

There are two important aspects in this relationship
  1. Physical relationship
  2. Emotional relationship
No one can deny the importance of physical relationship. And, physical relationships with emotional feelings easily available between spouses is a wonderful experience.
Treachery, extra marital relations, pervert ism and many other things effect. Sometimes some sickness of the spouse also effects.

Let us view some cases:-

The wife is acute asthmatic with eczema at the time of marriage. She was a horrid reader of Mills and Boon. She somehow disliked physical relationships and thought that marriage is "Mills and Boon" romance with lovy dovy talks and only an emotional relationship.
The husband accepted her illness reluctantly but the wife showed averse reactions to physical contacts thereby giving a feeling of rejection.
There were many emotional reasons also that kept building.
The wife had generally stayed away from her parents home for education. She had just returned from abroad education and within 4 months accepted to marry this boy who the father had approached through matrimonial ad. It appeared that she was looking for social security and "Romance" with a dummy husband.
The father of this girl for some reason kept telling their daughter that this boy is not a good match for you and she could refuse the marriage. But on girls insistence, the marriage went through.
The father who had been in the diplomatic service, had reached the second highest position but resigned on emotional grounds because he thought he was overlooked for the highest promotion whereas he learned later that he was being promoted. He sub consciously could not forgive himself for this wrong assessment and hasty decision.
In his own way he knowingly or unknowingly wanted to prove that his assessment of this boy was correct.
The fathers negative assessment kept playing in the mind of this girl who had now chosen the role of a wife.
She could not see that at various stages her father provoked her to pursue a career instead of being with her husband and this played heavily on husband emotionally. Father understood that she had married primarily for social security and pursuing a career can provide her that.

She allowed herself to believe that she could get much better materialistic comforts if her husband who was an elite Army Officer, resigned and moved to Canada with her to earn more.
The husband also agreed but it took a long time for him to be out because the army wouldn't leave him.
When he finally came out after 5 years of  emotional stress of uncertainties just to believe and work the plans his wife had, she refused to go to Canada. Husband again thought it to be a well planned diplomatic move from his wife's father.

To cut the long story short, the wife chose the Role of wife when she was mentally not ready to accept the role and was looking for something else which she thought she will get by accepting the role without playing it.
She did not use her wisdom to see which factors are causing hindrance and what are the right solutions.
The result .... after 33 years they are now separated. And that too not with a friendly note but with lot of bitterness. She thought she has been wronged because this man did not turn out to be "Mills and Boon " romantic partner. On the other hand he caused her too many emotional stress and is a "Bully" and must be taught a lesson by destroying is image and destroying him.

The whole life became complicated where as it could have been very simple and enjoyable if only both of them had understood their Role as spouse.

Marriage becomes significant only when you strive to become a "Husband" and a "Wife" to each other even if you may have to forgo other relationships which are causing hindrance. Soon all other relationships will automatically become significant.

Man’s basic need is to be needed; to be loved; to be accepted. But definitely he doesn't want to be "used".

1 comment:

  1. Most of the problems that sink marriages start small but grow out of hand because the couple fails to deal with the problems soon enough. Often they tell themselves that the problem will go away if they ignore it or when circumstances change, but that passive approach seldom works. Those with the strongest marriages are those who learn to face their problems head-on and take active steps to overcome them together.